Being an exhibitionist is hard work! It’s a high-stress job that involves lots of moving around and running away and squeezing yourself into awkward positions—and don’t even get us started on what kneeling on concrete does to your knees. Yet, somehow this Swedish lass makes it all seem so easy. Look at that winning smile that never seems to go away, whether she’s masturbating on a train or bent over a car in dank parking garage. Our guidance counselor used to say that if you do what you love, than your job will never feel like work. Of course, he never said anything about the carpal tunnel syndrome …

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· “Redheaded exhibitionist” (RedTube)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

Some horny English youths turned an end-of-school celebration into a 200-person public orgy in the middle of the village square. Our high school’s graduation ice cream party doesn’t seem so special anymore. (telegraph.co.uk, thumb via Naughty America)

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Do you hate those Corona beer commercials as much as we do? You know, the ones where all those stressed out yuppies totally get away from it all by hanging out on a beach and like, throwing their wallets into the ocean or something. Oh, and drinking watered down psuedo-Mexican beer. Well, apparently we aren’t the only ones who have had enough and someone out there in internet-land decided to “re-interpret” the campaign in the only way that makes sense. Hey, with all those drunk people hanging out on the beach this was bound to happen eventually.

· Bottle (YouPorn)

In a tough election cycle, it can be tough for a candidate to make themselves stand out above the crowd. As one San Diego City Council candidate learned, peeing into a cup and masturbating on a public street in the middle of the afternoon is certainly one way to do that. That might cost him a few votes, but sometimes real leadership means do things that are unpopular, right? (signonsandiego.com, via Wonkette)

Business analysts are taking a closer look at the proposed IPO for Penthouse Media Group. Will your portfolio become engorged with cash or limp and flaccid with premature insolvency? Sorry … stock talk always gets us hot and bothered. (thestockmasters.com + abcnews.go.com)

When we say that you might forget that you’re watching a dirty movie during the first several minutes of Eon McKai’s new hallucinatory agitporn masterpiece “The Doll Underground” — all recycled stock footage and fuzzy credits and screeching filmstrip soundtrack — that’s meant as a compliment; McKai has never made porn movies that look like anyone else’s, and while there’s something to be said for the straight-up smut style of your typical gonzo production, that’s probably not why you watch one of his films in the first place. So even if “The Doll Underground” isn’t likely to win over any existing alt-haters to his camp, we think it’s the best example yet of why McKai remains one of the most singular and distinctive artists working in the adult industry today.

Early reports about the movie, which has been over a year in the making, described it as a story about tutu-clad suburban Gothic hotties being recruited for some sort of anti-capitalist terrorist cell. That’s true enough, we guess, though the finished project is a lot more disjointed and impressionistic than that: if “The Doll Underground” is “about” anything, it’s that sex is as much about power as it is about pleasure, maybe even more so. From our eminent colleague Violet Blue’s five-star review:

Pulsing with energy, eerie visuals, clever pacing and deliberate editing, the film is a haiku telling the story of five young women tired of being controlled by society (”buy nothing” is repeated as a mantra) who emulate a mashup of the Weather Underground and Patty Hearst’s SLA ideals. They band together in the Belmont Tunnel in Los Angeles under the direction of uber-sexy goth Lorna Adorn (Pixie Pearl), create and distribute anti-capitalist and anti-conformity propaganda (podcasts and screenprint pasteup art), build bombs and make things go boom … Visually and throughout the delivery of the minimalistic story arc, it plays like a long, gorgeous, lush yet also somehow dark, saturated but bleak music video.

(… ) I wonder, did The Doll Underground *actually* come from porn valley? There are no blondes, no long fingernails, no fake breasts, no skinny girls, no big boobs, no fake female orgasms. The soundtrack never interrupts the sex; the sounds of sex are the focus. The women’s bodies look like regular *hot* girls; the have ass, thigh, meat on those bones that make you want to cuddle and fuck and snuggle. Half the cast, at most, is tattooed; many are pierced, and two of the men are uncut. There are no unsafe or scary sex acts; no anal, no “gapes” and thankfuckinggawd no ATMs. The negative? People still wear white belts.

But let’s talk about the sex; the mood is disaffected, the visuals dream-like, but the sex is riveting. Besides Pixie’s solo masturbation scene (a Goth dream come true), the performers do not acknowledge the camera during sex scenes — with one deliberate exception. Outside of sex, the performers have direct viewer “eye contact” as part of the narrative. The storytelling is for the viewer; for the sex we are but voyeurs. The editing is tight yet deliberate.

(… ) The Doll Underground is one of the best porn films I’ve ever seen, and it feels like anti-porn — it’s almost against the system it came from by being all that it is — a deep investigation of culture from an industry we regard as being utterly bereft of culture beyond the superficial. Rise up, indeed. Highly recommended.

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves, except maybe to add that “The Doll Underground” is one of those rare porn movies that we find ourselves watching as much for the interstitial parts and high style as for the fucking itself … although once we remember how hot the fucking is, we find ourselves wanting to fast forward to that again too. It might not be everyone’s cup of dirt pipe milkshake, but if you’re looking for an utterly original porn experience that’ll leave you with something more than just a sticky feeling in your pants, “The Doll Underground” is the place to be. Anti-capitalist gothic Lolitas never looked so good.

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· “[review] the doll underground” (tinynibbles.com)
· “The Doll Underground” Trailer (eonmckai.com)
· Vivid Alt (vivid-alt.com)
· Order: “The Doll Underground” (Adult DVD Empire)

Choosing the right toy to purchase is never an easy decision, especially when you’re fapping on a budget: the best toys tend to run over a hundred dollars a pop, and those that come at bargain prices … well, you usually get what you pay for. Charming though the Hammering Hook may be, sometimes it’s nice to have a toy with a little more class. (Not to mention one that won’t give you cancer.) So what’s a horny gal with a limited income to do, aside from a plain old date with Miss Michigan?

Consider checking out the B Swish line of toys. A company dedicated to making quality toys accessible to a broad audience, B Swish offers three excellent options that won’t break the bank: the Bgee (a slim gspotter vibe), the Bgood (a slimline-style vibe), and the Bnaughty (an egg vibe). Since I’m nothing if not naughty — and like a good egg vibe — I grabbed a Bnaughty and took it for a test drive.

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Made of a hard, velvety plastic, the Bnaughty has a sleek, smooth surface that feels great whether it’s in your palm or in your, uh, parts. Like most egg vibes, the controls are housed in a little box (connected to the vibrating egg by a thin, plastic coated wire); unlike most egg vibes, the Bnaughty controller is ergonomically designed, and sits quite comfortably in your (or your partner’s) hand.

With only four speeds, and no fancy pulse patterns, the Bnaughty is definitely a basic vibrator — but hey, sometimes basic is all you need. For something so small, the Bnaughty’s vibrations are remarkably strong. Added bonuses: it’s waterproof (in case you need a little bath time fun) and comes with its own cotton storage bag.

The Bnaughty can be used with any kind of lube, and should be cleaned with soap and warm water. It can not be sterilized, however, so use a condom if you’re planning to share.

Though it may not have as many bells and whistles as some of the other vibes we’ve profiled, the Bnaughty is still a good, solid toy. If a budget orgasm is a high priority, you could do a lot worse.

· Bswish (bswish.com)
· Buy the Bnaughty (babeland.com)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

We were always taught that we should brush our teeth for as least as long as it took us to hum “Yankee Doodle”; now that we’re all grown up, however, we’re thinking of changing that to brushing our teeth for as long as is takes Katya here to brush hers. Just don’t lean in too close if you decide to brush along with her — you wouldn’t want to get stray toothpaste splashes all over your monitor, would you? (video @ yourdirtymind.com)

Sure, you might think that the setup of George Bush getting fucked by a gorilla and a duck writes its own punchline, but if it did do you think that AMG would be holding a contest to find out what it might be? Trust us, it’s a lot harder than it looks. (And don’t try using the one that he’s getting done to him what he’s been doing to the country for the last eight years; we’re pretty sure someone’s used that one before.) (amgstudio.com)

You may remember the New York Times writing a little story about three modern women who earn their living having sex for money, which was a very timely and compelling look at the current state of prostitution in this country, except … two of those three women don’t actually have sex for money. We guess the reporter didn’t realize that “sex work” doesn’t just mean hookers, but at least they made an effort! Sort of. (Gawker)